That night I tossed and turned for a long time in bed without sleeping. That can not be. I'll wake up. Mom was wrong, it will pass and never resumes ... The day after secretly committed in me and tarnish my changes still needed to go through a meeting with other people. I hate looking at her sister, because she did not know anything, and suddenly, without even realizing, got me a huge advantage. Then I hated men who never have to go through this, but who knows everything. Finally, I had an aversion to women, because they are so easily reconciled to his fate. I was sure that if they knew what was happening to me, they would have been this happy. "That's your turn has come," - thought they would. This, too, I thought at the sight of a woman. And this. The world has played a cruel joke with me. I was scared to walk, run and I did not dare. It seemed to me that from the earth, from the warm greenish sunlight, from the food comes a suspicious smell ... Menstruation has passed, and I began to hope again contrary to common sense that the more it will not happen again. A month later, I realized that no hope, and finally come to terms with this disaster; but this time I was seized with some heavy stupor. Since then, the concept of "up" appeared in my mind. All my remaining life will be only those that occurred "after."